You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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