it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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