He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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