Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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