a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
