Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
