Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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