I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
