the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
