she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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