A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
