two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
