if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize