He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
