you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
