seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
