So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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