your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
