I just made out with a guy for $7.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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