someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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