I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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