if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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