I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
