There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
