K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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