what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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