i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
