Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
