U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
wow bdsm is so cute
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
