if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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