I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
