I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
