I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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