I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
