is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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