Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
