I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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