Can i not drive my cunt home
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
