Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
