I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
