dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
