Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize