Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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