I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
