I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
