Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
