He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
