Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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