One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
