Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize