i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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