I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
