Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
