I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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