You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
