how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
