Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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