I think I died a long time ago.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
