Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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