Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
