Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
