don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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