Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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