come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
