would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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