That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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