My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
