I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
