Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
