I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Nobody cheats on THIS.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
