Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
