Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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