His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize