Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
