I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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