Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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