you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
