some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
