This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
