I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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