they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
