i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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