I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
