Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
