And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
