dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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