Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
