Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
