Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
