so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
