WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
