Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
