You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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