So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
