Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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